She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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