I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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