she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
