Apparently you make a good broom.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
