You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
