just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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