chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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