If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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