there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize