You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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