I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
tell me about the eggs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
