she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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