Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
