In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
