Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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