My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
