i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
