Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
