I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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