Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
is it fun? or sober?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
