jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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