She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
