You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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