So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
