He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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