the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
