You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am mentally ready for anal.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
