question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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