I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
