Whatcha textin bout Willis?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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