Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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