Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Small penises have feelings too.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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