Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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