I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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