You're completely useless in the revolution.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
