This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
