Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My vagina is very pro this idea
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