i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize