I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
