Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Don't make out with my wife yet
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
