Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
