why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
