i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
