CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
