Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
