If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone came in the potted fern
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
