and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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