apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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