Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
