I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
