I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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