Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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