apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize