The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
