You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize