he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
