I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
