No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize