I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize