so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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