So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
