plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So vagazzling was a success
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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